Cheers to my first post of the year 2016 !
It’s been more than half a year since my last post!
Not being able to write for the longest time left me with an ache, an overflowing flame burning with the desire to do so. And by God did it incinerate me every waking hour of the day. As if that wasn’t enough, this scorching void would haunt me at night in my dreams; as lucid as they were. But I learnt something through all this inner turmoil. Through this chaos I derived order. I learnt that Life went on regardless. It was one of the many fulfilling lessons I learnt through the entire year of 2015. My oh my, what a teacher you have been! I mean if I had to personify that whole year into somebody with a profession, 2015 would be to me the Guru of all gurus.
It started out amazing. No doubt 2014 was a pretty shit year for me overall. Could that be the reason I felt so excited and elated during 2015? I considered that as possibility but further introspection would help prove it wrong. In all honesty, I believe it was probability. I got lucky. Real lucky. I got to meet the most beautiful and amazing Homo Sapiens I had ever encountered, like ever!
I had almost given up on this race of beings that are roughly 8% viruses, genetically speaking of-course. I had long accepted the fact that we were 100% pure viruses in a metaphorical sense at least. We multiply at an alarming rate just like them and we’re pretty much ‘pirate-parasites’ to our host organism planet Earth; with all our Plundering, Pillaging and Polluting.
I had no hope for the plight of our future as a viable species. I mean if every other mammal could live simply in a harmonic balance with the ecosystems and the ways of nature, surely we had no chance with our overly developed craniums and our super superior egotistical intellects. We had already doomed ourselves into this circling drain of oblivion. That’s what I decided in my mind.
And then, I met her.
At first glance, she was just like any other person I had seen before and so my expectations of her were the same. As I awoke from my afternoon siesta I stared at her for the first time. “Oh look another moron.”- I thought to myself as I greeted her with a slight nod of the head and folded arms.
She responded with a simple hello accompanied by the most delightful and alluring smile I had ever seen. Being the obnoxious jerk that I was, I decided to pay no heed and went back to sleep under my blanket, telling myself as ‘Nelly’ would put it: “It was only just a dream!” .
It would be a few days until I would see her again. This time I was wide awake. We barely spoke to each other initially. All we had in common was our mutual buddy, whose place we took sanctuary in as we retreated from the bone chilling cold weather. I had lived in Toronto for two years prior to my visit there and trust me when I tell you that I know the cold like the back of the hand. But this was a different cold, a dry deep enigmatic cold that just pierced through any clothing (or metal armor) you had on.
Honestly speaking as a person, I’m a really shy kind of guy. Although I have been known to be quite the ‘Lord of Assholes’ on some occasions. That sounds a tad ironic. Actually that’s very ironic, almost like ‘constipated- diarrhea’ ironic, if you catch my drift. I wanted to get to know her a little more but I just couldn’t approach her.
Every time I tried I’d get this feeling of severe anxiety. She would pass by and my heart would start pounding like the beats of an EDM song. My vision would blur to an extent and then I’d just have this massive brain-fart of nothingness coming out of my mouth. It was like high school all over again!
You know, this whole ‘Love at first sight’ thing can be quite a tricky concept. Sure, it’s all romantic and cheesy; 2 strangers meeting for the first time, making eye contact and then ending up together for the rest of their lives. But try explaining that to a blind person. For someone who was born blind, describing the colors of the spectrum would be a task, let alone love at first sight.
The blind don’t focus on a how a person looks externally from the visual aspect of things; obviously they cannot because of their visual impairment. But they can see more of the real you and who you are on the inside as a human being; far better than any of your friends with perfect 20/20 vision, which is what I believe counts in the end. It’s always the little things in life that matter.
I learnt that chasing love is futile. To me it’s the most elusive thing there is after ‘time’. That’s why you shouldn’t have to find it. Love just happens! It could occur when you least expect it and from there, if it truly is genuine then it doesn’t stop growing. That’s why it outlives physical attraction and lust.
Not that there’s any thing wrong with lust. Lust can explode into these carnal, intense moments of hot instinctual tantric passion; which is beautiful in it’s own way. Lust can be a lot of fun.
As per my personal preference, I’d have to pick love; no two ways about it. For some, love is a delayed pain, just waiting to pounce on you after the hugs and kisses go away. For others, even in that pain and remorse of missing a loved one, be they distant, divorced or deceased; there is a delayed love that leaves them dizzy, delusional and eternally delightful.